Pokémon-Go To Hell

Why is this internet meme the wrongest thing anyone ever misguidedly put together?

Because, as memes go, when the premise is so completely flawed it can only go downhill from there.

If this is meant to be the meme’s creator clarifying the situation, they’re clearly more out of touch than they realise.

So nobody bat an eye about people sitting on their asses for the past five years, obsessively crushing row after row of garishly bright computer-generated confectionary? Is that what you’re claiming? No, sir (or madam)! You are utterly WRONG! The Candy Crush Saga obsession was, in fact, universally lampooned by anyone with even half a brain.

Perhaps you didn’t notice because you were too busy SITTING ON YOUR ASS PLAYING CANDY CRUSH at the time!?

Explore their neighbourhoods“? “Meet new people“? Don’t make me laugh!

If, by “explore their neighbourhoods”, you mean hundreds of people obsessively descending, cult-like, on public parks and city streets, viewing the world that’s all around them via an image on their phone screen, in an effort to spot fictional cartoon characters that they can throw magic animated balls at—with scant regard for anything that’s actually happening in the real world, let’s be honest—then yeah, maybe you could say people are “exploring their neighbourhoods”.

And if, by “maybe even meet new people in the process”, you mean adopting pack-mentality, racing about while not watching where they’re going, walking into people, colliding with telegraph poles, light poles, traffic signs & buildings and stepping blindly into the path of bicycles, motorbikes, cars, buses and trams, whereby risking their own lives and the lives of others, then yeah, I guess you could say these ignorant fucking idiots do “meet new people” while playing this stupid fucking game.

Go ahead and tell yourself it’s all about getting outside and meeting people if it makes you feel better. Arguably, you’d be just as happy doing exactly the same thing while not having to go anywhere at all. Just like you did with Candy Crush!

Honestly—why oh why oh why is this happening? As if there aren’t enough phone-obsessed fucktards in the world already. Who the hell thought anything like this was even remotely necessary?

Ultimately it’s just another example of how the gap between child and adult gets ever-smaller with each passing technology fad. It’s tragic to see the number of grown adults that keep falling for this garbage. But I guess that’s just how it is these days.

Today’s parents increasingly listen to the same music as their kids, frequent the same social media platforms and, as a direct result, also end up using the same pop-culture buzzwords and phrases as their kids (“I was, like”… “I know, right”… “Whaaaaa?”… “Really?”). Hell, some parents today even dress like their kids, so is it really any wonder that they also develop the same obsessions as their kids for this phone-based time-wasting brain-rotting shit?

Has the notion of the generation gap entirely ceased to exist?

I’ll tell you this much: you know the world’s gone to hell in a hand basket when you find yourself longing for the return of a decent generation gap.

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