Seriously, what is it with men?
It’s a problem that seems to plague most of us as small boys, but some apparently never grow out of it. It’s as if adult males suddenly revert to six-year-olds whenever they stand in front of a toilet.
A few years ago I became so disgusted by continually having to side-step puddles in the bathroom at work that I posted an instructional sign on the wall in the hope that maybe, just maybe, it was no more than an educational thing. I dared to hope that if someone just took the time to tell them where they were going wrong, maybe they’d get it right.
The problem did seem to go away for a while. But recently it’s come back with a vengeance.
What’s the go? Coz I don’t know about you, but I really don’t enjoy having to step around puddles of pee every time I need to use the facilities. It’s even more harrowing when a ‘sit down’ visit’s on the cards!
It’s something I’d probably find less surprising – maybe even to be expected – at the pub, a fast food place or a school where, for various and quite different reasons, whether due to the owner’s choice or a lack of it, the male appendage seems only capable of being aimed in every direction but the right one.
But at work? Really? It’s just disgusting! Not to mention both slovenly and unhygienic.
Honestly guys, how difficult can it be to get it out and point it in vaguely the right direction? Coz it’s really no more complex than that. It only needs to be a vaguely directional thing. It’s not like we’re aiming for a receptacle that’s three metres away and no bigger than a pin head. Whether it’s a floor-mounted bowl-shaped affair or a wall-mounted urinal, most are actually rather commodious in every relevant dimension. They’re also designed and positioned such that only someone less than three foot tall would face any real challenge. The rest of us – to be fair, the majority of us – are ideally placed for a perfectly neat, tidy and hygienic outcome.
There’s no need to aim sideways, upwards or as if etching an inscription into the Royal Doulton; there’s no need to wave it side-to-side, garden hose-style; nor is there a need to stand any further than a few centimetres back. Sufficiently leggy gentlemen can even stand right over the top of the bowl to maximise the effectiveness of their aim. It really is pretty simple to get it right.
But if, in the end, you simply can’t make it work from a standing position, just sit the f*** down! It’s all good, there’s no shame in it. Nobody can see you in there anyway!
All men come in different shapes and sizes, are built differently and function differently and that’s OK. But whatever your personal situation, there is nothing even remotely OK about peeing on the floor and walking away from it. Whether it was missed aim, splash-back, a drip or dribble towards the end, I don’t care what caused it – I just don’t want to step in or around it. In fact, I don’t even want to see it! And I certainly I don’t want to be down at floor level with a handful of paper towels at the ready to wipe up waste fluid expelled from your body, just so I can comfortably take a seat without worrying what might seep into my own clothes.
You wouldn’t leave your own bathroom at home in that state. Come to think of it, maybe you would and if you do, the mess you leave behind you at work probably makes sense.
But unless you actually are only six years old or less than three feet tall, there’s no excuse for it.